Met Silvia again today at 8:15 and at 10... She had to leave to meet her boyfriend, whom she met the period she had to move (a couple of weeks after I met her).
Just to rub in my face the lack of luck I was having, she said she hasn't been in a relationship for a long time, so now she spends quite some time with her BF.
Not that I wanted to be her boyfriend, of course, but guess what I didn't want to be? Yep, her friend, that's what.
I was imagining of writing this post about how lucky I was to have gotten a second occasion and to have nailed it and instead... That's what happens when you fail to set up a proper first meeting and to move fast.
I'm a bit down now, after the agreement to meet the second time I really thought this was going to fly.
Even after she said she had a boyfriend I took it in stride, I still really thought something might have happened anyway. I actually even thought she might have had a BF when met the first time (I actually sometimes think it's an advantage seeing girls with a BF.. I might have had more girls with a boyfriend that without in this country of cheats).
But when she refused a second drink and a reminder rang on her phone and she said she had to go to meet her BF I was only looking forward to be alone.
I was walking towards the tram stop, but she stopped for the metro. She was talking about her spending time with her BF just 20 meters before the stop, so it came a bit as a surprise that she actually lingered on quite a bit when saying goodbye. Maybe I'm always too optimistic in reading signals, but I really thought she lingered for the "kissing moment".
I wasn't prepared for that and too angry to have want to make a move. I didn't want to fucking kiss a girl who's leaving to go fuck someone else.
Lucifer doesn't accept the role of the one getting the crumbles.
On seconds thoughts I should have actually. Maybe it would have set a clear frame: if we meet again, it's only for a secret lover affair.
It would have also been a way to push myself to make a move no matter what and no matter the feelings I'm having.
And it would have set her straight on one thing: you don't meet a guy a second time without making clear nothing is gonna happen because there's a boyfriend.
Who the hell does this? I've had girls saying they couldn't meet because they had a BF (and because they didn't want any romance going on, as a consequence) and I always appreciated being told so in advance! I don't want to waste my time!
Why the hell meeting a guy whom you've kissed the time before and who's pushing now to meet again? These things make me angry. Isn't it obvious I don't give a fuck about being a friend? Do friends kiss each other and push to meet again? Whose friends do that? I don't push any friends to meet on 1-1! Not even guys!
This was a message I sent sometime ago after the first meeting:
"How's the new flat Silvia, I hope no ghosts.
I think if we don't meet soon we never will and it's be a pity.
So lemme know your schedule and let's do it"
I wrote the double entendre "let's do it" on purpose, but the main point is that you don't meet a second time on 1-1 a guy whom you kissed and whom... You just want to be friends with.
She said while leaving "write again, I will make it happen" (meaning: the meeting).
Won't delete her phone number, I'm not that affected, but of course I will not write her.
Fuck this, I fucked it up.
Well, I've taken bigger hits and managed well, this one won't last longer than an evening. And it was a good lesson's learned.
Actually, I might go out again for a beer, I'm too well dressed to stay home.
As usual I'm way too optimistic and hope I can turn this around. I certainly closed the door form my side, but in case she'll write again explicitly asking to meet, I'll invite when I'll be out with friends or while doing something I had to do anyway (no 1-1 time slot wasted for her) and when she won't have to leave to meet her BF I'll try to bed her.
You never know...
Ride on.
P.S.:
She will write again later on late at night when she was to a place close to my flat. But I was busy with another girl and saw the message too late.
Dammit, it wasn't meant to be.. :)
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